Promised Post on my Epiphany of Sorts

After yesterday's post I received this email from my wonderful MOM:

SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!! 

I love you,
Mum

She is beyond smart, cute and darn it, I look so much like her.  Tee Hee The photo is from Mother's Day, where the kids took me to Golden Corral and on the way out they all got cotton candy.  You can kinda see D7 and J3 is in car seat, and yep that is a 15 passenger van.
My Epiphany came in church, good place right? Sunday School, the whole armor of God...yada yada, what??  I asked a question about being tired of fighting and putting on the armor, and Pastor says, Take a NAP! lol, I am thinking oh, I nap, I collapse in total exhaustion dude! He went on to talk about people that are super organize and fill every bit of time being busy, are usually depending on the flesh of themselves.
 Did Pastor just publicly humiliate me? Did he say, Anne you are beyond organize, people envy your skills and you are totally fleshed out in this.  Relax and enjoy life and serving God and your children. He didn't say my name or any of the extra words in italics, but dang, his words about organizing kept reverberated in my head, heart and spirit. I admit, I read organizing books and scoff at their silly ideas(cause mine are better), or pat myself on the back and go, oh go girl, you do that and better than this ol' author.  Wow, it was a real eye opener. I talked with him afterwards, laughing and crying.  I do not want to make my children freak-a-zoids.  I want them to be good adults, but more so I want them to know me!
Now, please don't get all freaked and think I tossed out the calendar, my bra and dish detergent and began humming and just playing all day.
I actually erased my white board of times and chores and items to complete, and told the kids, I was making them all neurotic with my scheduling and lists and organization. I laughed and played a game with my oldest boy  (kicked his butt like 6 times in a row) and we bantered and enjoyed each other.  This is so huge right now, I can't even explain this one.

Monday, I asked them if they would like to just go on an adventure with me?  Everyone said yes.  We all took off on a hike in the desert behind our home and explored the places they weren't sure were okay.  We walked the mountain, to the space hall. Look at the picture, that is from our back alley, the starting point.  We walked to that cubed building, the one with the rocket next to it.   This is straight up. Gman ran the whole thing! We were gone for hours.  Just walking, talking, and enjoying being together.
We saw a cicada, and could see it vibrate and make the whole area buzz with the noise.  It was pure bliss, laughing outside and just enjoying my kids, instead of organizing them.
Can we (insert crazy question)? Sure, go ahead, try it.  They were so amazed and laughed and said, Mo-om (2 syllables) that is silly.  They boys all peed in the desert. That was beyond hilarious.
Today, after breakfast, we went again, my girls and I were together more and we talked and laughed as the boys ran ahead.  I am taking more time to be with them, not time punching, but spending moments together.

My house is no longer spotless. The laughter and love that is being shared between all 7 kids has just intensified this weekend. They play with each other and enjoy it.  They are learning (the younger ones) that it is okay and encouraged to go play a bit all by yourself, and that the older brothers and sisters are not your entertainment source.
I have to relax more, and enjoy the kids, because as I told a friend.  I don't want the kids to remember my toilet clean, but that mom laughed and went with them in their memories. 

Three Major Helps for our Transition in Adopting

The boys (D7, W5 and J3) have been with us almost 2 months.  Life has been remarkable in the true craziness of stress and change, but we are surviving.  

Last Friday, my brain shut down.  I mean seriously, dizzy, freaked and I can't do this anymore shut down.  I wept and collapsed in my room, scared  and exhausted.  I had to have E call my hubby home from work.  It was horrible.  He came right down the mountain, and just began to pray and hold me, while I cried like a baby.  I had been trying to keep everyone "happy" organized and busy.  I had run out of energy and ideas, and crumpled like a rag doll.  Taco Bell was decided for dinner, and a family meeting of the highest kind was called for after the young boys were tucked in.

The conversations that took place still today blow me away.  I admitted my weakness, and Eric had the best ideas, and brought up the BIG fact that I was sucking at communicating.  Mom, if you are feeling stressed, tell us.  DUH DUH moment.  We were all doing our own thing, and no one was communicating what we were doing, but getting upset, when someone else interrupted our plans.  We came up with some key words:

su·per·vise/ˈso͞opərˌvīz/

Verb:

Observe and direct the execution of (a task, project, or activity). Observe and direct the work of (someone).

This is not taking charge, but a casual eye when the young boys are engaged in an activity.  This took a big load off my older kids.

I was wanting them to partake in the activity on a constant basis, but it was driving me insane, and the kids too.  I had gotten out my handy dandy white board and schedules and EGADS I was pushing our whole family to the brink of pure nuts!

The other was communicate, with actual words.  For example.  I needed one hour to do bills, reconcile checkbook and write out menu for grocery shopping.  I didn't tell anyone, I said, please watch the kids.  That translated to okay, I will keep an eye on them, and then I wound up losing my mind.  But, now I say, I am going into my room, to fold clothes, but am available. 

The last part is pure genius, so you know that Eric came up with it.

Not the whole family divided, but when someone is going to play a game, or take a walk, having to take ALL 3 youngin's can just kill a person.  They are a bit, argumentative and so seeking attention, that you don't ever want to do it.  So, now, Eric will say, hey D7, wanna go get gas with me in the truck? Abby will let W5 wash the dog with her, and Gabe will just play Ants in pants with J3.  We rocked this.  Now the other 2, also know that they are gonna get to do something eventually, and that it just works out some how. This has made this weekend out to be one of the best ever.  I have one major change that happened in my life, and I hope to write it out tomorrow.  I am finding I now have time, and it can be filled with fun things, not just the boys.  I am learning and just wanted to share this with ya'll.

Wild Life and more abound in the new house!

This is one of the many lizards that have given their tails and yes even their lives for the amusement of the kids!  W5 was petrified at first, but D7 is a lover of all things creepy, crawly and that make mom cringe.  After much coaxing, W5 had that thing on his head!  I was shuddering! lol
Gman and sisters are right out there with the boys. Turning the over rocks, logs and other things in search of life.

They have found lizards, scorpions (which they know are dangerous) and even tiny little tree frogs.  I was totally surprised at the frogs.  This is the desert and water is very scarce and well I haven't seen a frog in town ever!
Right outside the back gate is pure undefiled desert! It goes for a long time.  There is an aroyo ( a ditch that will hold water if we get rain), then the hospital.  The medi-copter pad is in plain site and there is screams of helicopter and a run to get to the top of the rim to the aroyo to watch the helicopter land or take off.  There was about 5 landings on Saturday, and one take off, the people waved to the boys! They were beyond excited about that.  The blue man waved at us!! But it was said by 6 of them, over and over! 
The house is big and we all have space to play, eat, cook, learn and even be alone!  I have 3 big boxes left in my room, but am just plumb tuckered, so will give it a whirl after my 20 minute nap!

Structure is so Important

I am very, very, very organized person.  I thrive in order and structure.  When life gets unorganized, then I go a bit bonky! I mean I melt down, my brain gets fuzzy, I get tired and want to hide until the order of life is fixed.  Adopting 3 kids, while having 4 others that are homeschooled, and moving with no dates or set times in place is the mega unorganization~major major major.
Getting up early to set my day in order.  That means coffee made and time with Jesus.  I must have that time to pray for myself, my children, hubby and friends.  This is my foundation of the day.  The storms come but with the sure footing of Jesus strengthening me, I can press on, not by my power and strength, but thru the Savior who loves me so much.
All of our children also thrive with the structure of our scheduled lives, but more so the new 3 boys.  They are so quick in seeing how the older 4 get along, and are following in their pattern.  Well, sometimes.  Mr. J3 is well, three and he is the most stubborn, and a big problem is that he is wicked cute!  I mean his eyes sparkle and he smiles like an imp!  I have to be firm, like real firm with him.  He gets no grace at this time. I feel like such a meanie.  He is wearing a path down the hallway. Tears are an automatic, talking back, doing what I just told him not to do, touching things he is not allowed to touch and multiple other infractions.  I mean it is like crazy, but he is doing really good at it.  He knows Mom says what she means, and that is helping the house to relax also as the structure is built from the ground up.
W5 loves the schedule, and really thrives with it.  He is going to do so much better when I can incorporate schooling with him.  Right now, we are trying to get all on the same page in a tiny little house.
D7, his homework time is the best to me.  It is just him and I and he loves that I sit right there with him.  I will be honest, it is 3:30pm, smack dab in the middle of prep dinner and get stuff ready, but I sit there and we smile and laugh.  He knows he gets to go on the puter when he is done, and he loves it. 
A big huge thing today, is W5 is not always kind to his big brother, but today, he sits behind him while D7 is on puter and says, Good job, I am here if you need help.  This is a big, I mean humongous step.  They seem to have been pitted against each other some way.  Our family is very much into encouraging each other, and kindness.  I am seeing kindness come out of W5.  All the papers on W5 background talk of his anger and meanness.  Now, I have seen it, and it is UG-LEEE!  Seeing the change is beyond beautiful. 
We are in revival this week, and that means church every night.  This is a bit of a strain for me, but I am seeing the difference it makes in their lives also.  The evenings are later, but it is all worth it!

Haircuts.

I love YouTube, Google and just plain researching things.  Cutting black boys hair was turning into a very daunting thought.  I had different people telling me different things, and I was having waaaaaaaaaaaay to much anxiety! Way too much.  I called around to some barbers, and more anxiety, til I called Berto at Tina's Barber.  He was so kind and said, $8.95 each, no worries, I can do it!
I pulled D7 out of school early to make the appointment, walked into the best kept secret in my little town.  A gorgeous salon with an add on old fashioned man's barber shop! I mean it is fantastic, clean and I loved it.  But I didn't see any man?
A sweet girl with a German accent asked to help me.  I explained I had an appointment for a man that cut Black boys hair at 3 for 3 boys? Panic was setting into my heart. My boys so wanted their hairs cut, their fros were beyond manageable. She asked if I was particular? NO, please, just cut them, please!!  An even smaller lady with a thicker accent took us to the barber area, and she rocked their heads! I mean it was great!  She said, black hair is the easiest ever!! I watched, and watched, and after all the videos I had watched that afternoon.  I think I can do it now!! yes!! Apparently, a good cut every 2 weeks is important to keep the look! So I will be giving it a whirl! May 2nd. 
Eric and G-man were so excited about how the boy's hair turned out, they went down today and got theirs done also! I love when they are all cut and looking spiffy!
Behavior has been so good!  There are some, but that isn't because of transition, it is because they are kids and get mad when things don't go their way.  The melt downs have turned to suck it ups.  Seriously, they go into their room, suck it up, wash face and come out with a changed attitude! Totally cool to see.
We are working on the I WANTS, and trying to change to May I have please.  So, J3 and I are going thru it outside.  I have the ice pops, I ask, "What color ice pop would you like?"
I want....
I correct, May I please have....
J3 smiles and nods, and says, May I please have...I want green!  We roll.  He is cute beyond words!
But they are sharing and saying sorry, and asking each other for things.  I love it! 
Watching my hubby with them is almost as much fun as watching Eric laugh at his Dad with them too.  The humor of Dad is caught by Eric and it is great fun.  

B-I-N-G-O!!!

Bingo for books! Plus Pizza and drinks FREE! Woot! I had cooked beans all day, made spanish rice and already cooked the taco meat.  I am so glad for cling wrap and refrigeration! hahahha
D7's class had a fun family night at the school this evening, and it was a bit tense at first. The caller was hard to hear, we were starving. 

This is the family that is on major structure, and waiting til 6:45 to eat when 5pm is the normal devouring time was a tough one to keep young bellies on task for books.  There were hundreds and hundreds of books there, and the teachers were handing out winning tickets even if the kids didn't get to say BINGO!  W5 got the first one and skipped to the book table.  Poor D7, he is just like a balloon, he deflates immediately.  His teacher was on him in a second with a winning ticket.  But, D7 did not understand, he didn't win? I can get a book?  He wanted to win!  Finally he did, and by that time, the free book tickets were flowing and the pizzas had arrived on scene.  The smell was heavenly.
There was so many pizzas that all our kids had at least 3 pieces, and Gman, egads had FIVE!!! The were pushing the pizza on us.  Eric was hoping for a box!
The day was pretty darn good actually.  D7 had a melt down, but not like a drama one, more just tears and thinking.  I went in every 5 minutes or so and just rubbed his back and told him I loved him, and asked if he wanted to keep crying.  He was so cute, he would nod yes, and then sniffle into his little face cloth.  I would kiss him and tell him again, I was waiting in the front room, and he was welcome to join us when he stopped crying.  He came out and we did home work and laughed.  This is working, and I am rather excited about it.  This is something we had never known about with the first 4 kids transition, and it would have been so helpful.
The craziness of the late dinner and all might have been the culprit, but W5 hauled off and just kicked D7 while I was watching out window, and big brother was right there also. 
D7 was gonna tell mom, but Eric said, no I will.  You stay here.  My son came in rather calm and explained. I told him I saw it, and W5 melted away into oh no, not me, I am falsely accused and all that, but using the main words, I don't wanna, no, I, I, I...etc.
He had to stop crying, and then apologize to D7 and tell him he loved him. 
Three times he came out, face stern.  I said are you ready to tell D?
He only wanted to tell his story.  Nope, back to the room...
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah and he would run back and jump on his bed.
So Dad told him, that's it dude, bed for the evening now.
It was about 5 minutes before all were to go to bed, the rest were getting there jammies and brushing teeth.  Neither of us would leave him in the dark or alone.  The fear of these babies is real.  So I lay next to him while he thrashed and screamed.  I prayed and sang, and then said, I want to help you to stop crying.  Lets breathe together.  I started taking big deep breaths.  After a couple he joined with me.  The crying stopped.  Aaah, now healing can work.
Do you want to come out with the family and pray?  Yes was whispered.
Can you tell D7, sorry and that you do love him?  Yes again.
I am very proud of you and I will hold your hand and be right there.
He apologized and said I love you, and D7 said it back.  Then they hugged! This is beyond huge! Oh my! I could have done a jig.
We prayed, tossed them in bed, and I sat there for a bit to watch them.  I was there about 20 minutes, sleep had come.  I thought! hmmm
Back to check in 10 minutes, spit wads and glow sticks had been pulled out and were hidden in casts etc.  Geez! I picked up the slobbery tissues, smarter now, and they would be wiping on pillow cases tomorrow.  Took the glowing stick out of cast and kissed them all again and waited another 15 minutes til movement ceased!
Can you love your children more each day?
Having little ones again, makes me freak each time Eric stands up, he is like a giant.  Abby makes me giggle with her determination not to let the boys get to her, she laughs and has made it a bit of a competition I think, Anna is just the little mom, and is beyond to watch, (she has a gift with the kids). Gabriel just loves playing with them and I think is enjoying the toys and time so much! 
We had all began to grow more independent as a family, the kids stretching their wings, going places and all, and this has really brought us in closer.  I am amazed at the dynamics of it all.

Huge Steps

Last night everyone slept in their own bed.  The young boys went down at 8pm sharp, and the rest of the family had to regroup.  We were all feeling the stress and tension was high.  I was so proud of my Eric, he talked with Dad, and then Dad to me, and then us all together.  We came together with a plan and all were excited to know what to do in melt downs and when things were out of  their control.  We began today anew! 
Then Abby was sick with fever most of the night, J3 coughed from allergies thru the night, and W5 had snuffles also.  Gman felt okay, no fever til this morning and then he was just exhausted and slept til 1pm.
I can not just go to the medicine cabinet and toss cough syrup down the boys gullets.  I have to have permission and let my SW (social worker) know prior (if possible).  I also have to log their intake of any OTC meds.  I really thought it was allergies, due to our insane weed pulling on Saturday and the high winds of dirt that covered our area.  I got some very low dose med for both young boys, and D7 was tough and ready for school this morning.

I played telephone tag with receptionists at orthopedic doctors to get a follow up for W5.  He broke his arm 2 weeks ago and is supposed to be seen now.  I can't just go to a doctor and say, hey look he has a cast, can you take an xray and see if it is healed and tell me more? I have to go to a primary doctor first and he has to look at it and say, wow a cast!  Let me refer you. Argh! Well we got the referral and our family doctor, whom I love, said, that I should give it another week before I call for appointment, so that when we go, they will probably just take the cast off!  That is one of the reasons I love our Doctor.

We had one melt down today and it was like 3 minutes long, I won! woot! Then there was another one, but it was so short, and I was so proud of W5, he came out and and hugged me, told me he loved me and played so good aterwards! YEAH
Then after dinner, all the kids wanted to walk to the park at the school up the street.  Hands held by partner is a must, but J3 decided, not for him, and had a melt down in the front yard.  I swooped him up and said no worries, ya'll go to the park, J3 is gonna go melt down in his room.  Bye guys.  J3 hooped and hollered for 12 minutes.  Tony and I giggled on the couch.  We are horrible I know, but the racket and outrageous repetition of I wanna goooOOoOOooooOOooo bring giggles to our lives.  He came out, astounded that his cuteness did not get him a reprieve and the kids were indeed gone without him.  I told him he could play with his treasure chest or with the legos.  He sat with the most forlorn look, but no tears or whinging.  I gathered my keys and files to battle the Walgreen pharmacy for Gabe and the boys meds.  Tony was to stay with J3. 
I WANNNNNA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo! Shreiked from J3.  No, sorry sweetie, I love you, but Daddy is gonna stay here, and since you are in melt down, off to your bed. Kissed him on his abundant forehead, and he ran off to his bed.  Tony said it lasted about 30 seconds after I left.  The kids came home and didn't know if bathes were gonna happen or not.  They still had an hour of play time. They went back to park, and J3 got to go.  But had to hold sisters hand.
7:30
Laughter is heard down the street, door opens, J3 runs to me and says, Mom, mom, I hold sister's hand!
W5 jumps at me and hugs me so tight and says, I am gonna squeeze some love from you!
and D7 gives me a flower. I hugged him and yep, I cried.  I love these boys, they ooze love and just thrive in the midst of it!

I could not get him to stop moving once I put it in a pot with wet cotton balls to keep alive! It will be dried and pressed and put in a frame for eternity!